All I Need
by Dani-Renee019
Summary: Life is full of twists & turns, and choices to be made. And after having hers taken from her in the worst way, Ciara lost her faith in love everlasting. But time heals & love found her unexpectedly. But four years later, life threw another curveball that may lead her to an even bigger love-the fairytale love of her dreams... the kind of crazy love her parents had.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** _This story started out as a completely original fiction story. I had been working on it for 3 years when I got blocked. Then came Cin… and I began to see how I could rework the concept into a Cin fanfic. Unfortunately, as written, Ciara will actually be linked to Tripp for a while. I promise it is as hard for me to write their relationship as will be to read it, but I promise if it stick with it as the story unfolds, it will all be worth it. In my story, she's dated Tripp for a few years since her rape. But he went away to college in Nashville for criminal justice because he's working on becoming a cop. There are a few other things in my story that are written a bit differently. One of them is the character of Claire. In my story, she's not a manipulative, backstabbing, vindictive brat. I have always said Ciara has no honest & true girl friends. So I thought rather than just make a new person up I would change one who was already there. Also, The age progression is a struggle for me at times too, so again I want to stay true to certain aspects of the Days of our lives characters, but since it's fan fiction, it's going to be different. So if you can bear with me until then, I hope to make it worth your while. Thanks for reading! ~ DRC_

* * *

**Intro**

There are moments in your life that define you... choices that you have to make to get you from one point to the next. Life is a series of moments that come together to create your story. When I stop and think about my life and how I got to where I am today, I can narrow it down to a few, life-changing events.

You can call it fate, luck, choices... or maybe it's just something much greater than that. All I know is I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, whether it's happy, sad or confusing. And it always comes back to those choices you have to make. Some could upset or even hurt people, however unintentionally, but these are sometimes the consequences of find your happiness and live the best life you can.

People can accept that or not, but it won't change the fact that choices will come & things happen… life always happens. I'm sure some may not agree with or like the decisions I made for my life. But I got sick of living my life for everyone else.

And right when I thought I had it all figured out, was one of those moments that changed the course of my entire life. I met one of those people who can come into your life when it's least expected & turn your semi-normal life into a tailspin and flip it upside down. But before I get to him, let me go back & explain how I got to that life-altering moment in time.

**Chapter 1**

Let's start with the basics like my name, which is Ciara Alice Brady. I was born into a very large family. In fact to name them all and get through their stories, it would take me years. To be honest, my family's history always sort of reminded me of a soap opera. My family is that crazy.

Anyway, I'm the youngest in my immediate family, and my mom & dad's names are Hope & Bo. I have an older brother named Shawn Douglas. Well, I had two, but my older brother Zach died really young, before I was even born. And I do have one sister named Chelsea—well, a half sister but that still counts.

My mom and dad have this epic love story. It's totally one for the ages. But like with any great love story, it wasn't always an easy & it came with more than one twist and turns, not to mention a few major bumps along the way. But what else could expect from a pair of bonafide star-crossed lovers. They were torn apart time after time, but if there's one thing that has always remained true, it would be the strength of their love for one another their children.

Being the youngest child in my family has been a blessing and a curse. While I've always had love and support daily from all of my family, they've also been very protective of me— one might even say they were overprotective. Not the best combination when you consider that I've always had a bit of a rebel soul—very mischievous, outspoken, brazen... People tell me I'm a lot like my dad. Despite all of that, I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, and tried to see the good in everyone. I fight for what I believe in, and for those that I care about. Most can't decide if I'm an immature rebellious brat, or an old soul who is way too mature for my age. I guess I'm a little of both.

They say the first cut is the first cut is the deepest. I would say I learned that the hard way. The first huge shift in life hit me as a preteen... right when a girl is growing into full adolescence, my family suffered a huge loss in the form of my father's death.

Nothing could have prepared me for that. No person, place, or thing. It left a void in all of our lives that nothing and no one could fix. I was never quite the same after that, and the my mom's overprotectiveness—which I had already been chafing under—grew immensely. After all, it was just her and I with my daddy gone.

Shawn, his wife, Belle, and my niece, Claire—who ironically was just a few years younger then me—had moved to Hong Kong. So things were very quiet & a little lonely for us until my mom decided to get remarried to a man, who would forever change our lives in ways we could never see coming or hope to prepare for.

His name was Aiden Jennings. From day one, I made it very clear to my mom that he would never fill my father's footsteps. Something about him… I could never put my finger on it, but he just always gave me chills, yet somehow despite that, I did become very close to my new stepbrother, Chase. He became one of my best friends. Right up until the moment we found out who my "stepfather" really was beneath the mask he'd worn.

Long story short, it had been all about the money. Aiden had lied and manipulated his way into my mom's heart & life just kill her for our money. But he failed, and when he was found out and arrested, my mom decided to take Chase in raise as a part of our family. I had never been more proud or sure of one of my mom's decision since my dad passed. How wrong we both were.

In his father's absence, Chase began to spiral. I tried to be there for him, but unfortunately that backfired when he developed an unhealthy attachment to me. At least that what Claire's grandma, psychiatrist Dr. Marlena Evans-Black called it. An unhealthy attachment. It sounds so clinical, so passionless, almost harmless, but it was nothing like that… nothing at all.

I can't really even remember how it started that night. I just remember that when he came on to me, I didn't take it that seriously until it was too late. I tried to push him away, but that only angered him—it seemed to fuel to do the unspeakable. To hold me down & cover my mouth so I couldn't say no. He raped me.

Before that night I never thought anything could devastate me like losing my dad, but after what Chase did to me, I was never ever the same again. I felt alone, broken and damaged, and all of the therapy in the world couldn't fix what was broken. It left me feeling like I had no purpose because let's face it, how could anyone ever truly recover from something like that.

But I leaned on my family and the support from my friends, and slowly but surely I began healing. Claire moving back to Salem helped as did my mom remarrying a wonderful guy named Rafe. I got through it slowly but even now carry a lot of scars and anger and hurt. Like with my father's death, I thought nothing was going to change my life more than that one event. So I was completely unprepared for what would happen 6 years later.

* * *

I had always dreamed of one thing in my life—to find love, a love as great as my mother and father's. I wanted the fairy tale. The kind of love that gave you butterflies, made it hard to breathe, and made you all nervous & giggly. I wanted to feel like my heart would burst. To find that one person who could be my first and last thought of everyday. That's rebellious, mischievous Ciara Alice Brady was a hopeless romantic, who had believed that her soulmate was really out there somewhere waiting for the right moment to make himself know.

At least I was until Chase took that away from me. After my rape, I never thought I would ever be capable of love or being loved at all, let alone that magical, bottomless, all-encompassing kind of love my parents had shared. I definitely never thought I would find him in the way that I had, or that events would take place the way they did. Like I said before, it's all about the moments and the choices that life throws at you that get you to where you are or where you need to be. That little voice in your head that tells you, "Yes, this is it". Or maybe our hearts can be louder than voice inside our heads. You can choose to follow your brain and make choices logically, or you can trust your impulsive heart to lead. But then again, there's a reason your heart is housed within a set of ribs to contain it. Although as much as you try, it never really can be contained, maybe it's not really meant to be.

So I firmly believe it's those moments and events that come together in your life that get you to the points in your life where you're making your life-changing decisions and choices. Whether they're small or large, life is lived one choice at a time; and you never know which one moment will change your entire life. What one person will just come in and turn your semi-normal upside down.

I have to say that even so many memories & stories that I can remember in minute detail, nothing is as clear to me as that day—that one moment I've been going on and on about that has been permanently burned in my brain forever that started with a life altering moment that led me to my life-altering choice. But before I get caught up in the magic of my own story, let me go back a bit farther so I can put all the pieces of this complicated story in place. I promise it's pretty different, but it's a good one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**_ I__f you've read or are currently reading this story at Archive Of Our Own-Dot-Org, know that the story is undergoing revisions and the fully edited version of each chapter is posting here at Fanfiction-Dot-Net first._

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**Chapter 2**

"Claire!" Ciara yelled as she grabbed her keys. "If we don't leave in 10 minutes, I might as well tell Tripp to walk home because we're never gonna make it to pick him up on time!"

"Alright, Ciara!" Claire called back. "I'm coming give me just 2 minutes!"

"You'd be late for your own funeral!" Ciara huffed in amused exasperation, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

There is no small amount of truth to our squabbling. If there is anyone that I know better than anyone else in this world, it's easily narrowed down to 3 people: my Mom, my best friend since she was born, Claire, and my boyfriend for the past 4 years, Tripp.

I've been best friends with Claire for as long as I can remember. There's a pretty huge age gap between me & my big bro, Shawn, so when he and my sister in law had Claire shortly after I was born, it's safe to say they guaranteed we would become BFFLs—best friends for life.

When Shawn and Belle moved away to Hong Kong with Claire, there were quite a few years we missed together, but when she came back to Salem to finish high school, we picked up right where we left off. Nothing and no one could ever get in between our friendship. We've been through it all—the ups and downs, the highs and lows. And we'd gotten through it all together. She's more than a friend to me, she's been the sister I never had, especially since my Chelsea is much closer to Shawn's age than mine.

We know each other inside and out, but one area where we are polar opposites is procrastination. I don't do late. I'm never late for like anything—appointments, dates, whatever. You tell me to be somewhere, and you can count on me being at least 10 minutes early. I'm known for being the first to arrive anywhere. Claire, on the other hand, is a total procrastinator, and never on time for anything. Until today.

What, you may ask, makes today so different? Well, it might be the fact that I'm supposed to be at the airport at 12:00am to pick up Tripp, but I told Claire 11:30pm so we'd have a shot in hell of leaving at the time I want so we get there appropriately early time. Her flaw of procrastination will not defeat me this time.

"Claire, I'll be in the car! Hurry up!"

"I will be down in one minute! I promise!" she yelled from the top of the staircase.

Rolling my eyes, I spin on my heel, slip out the front door, and down the staircase to my car. Hopefully, that will help her hurry. Lord knows how much she hates when I do this… mostly because she knows what comes next is me honking the horn. I have no sympathy though since Claire knew how important today was supposed to be.

Tripp had been gone for almost 2 months. Well, if I was being honest he was kinda always gone since he was majoring in Criminal Justice a few states away at Tennessee State University. But it's been months since his last visit. And it's not like I'm bitter about it or anything. It's everything he's ever wanted since before he moved to Salem over four years ago. He never hid that from the day we met.

And it makes sense, after all. Nashville was his hometown. Of course, it made perfect sense that TSU was where he always wanted to go for college. Of course it did. Tripp only even ended up to Salem because his biological dad, Steve Johnson, found him. Just so happens that Steve—or Patch, as most call him—is married my dad's sister, Kayla. Small world, right? Well, Salem is a pretty small town, actually.

Anyway, Patch & Kayla are very well-respected here in Salem. Kayla is Chief of Staff at the hospital here, while Patch works for the ISA. He was really close friends with my dad, too. When Steve found out he had a son, he made it his mission to find him—and he succeeded.

They had a pretty rough start... especially once Tripp found out Kayla and Steve's son, Joey, killed his biological mother, Ava. Unfortunately, she was an evil, vindictive woman, who wreaked havoc on many of the residents of Salem, unbeknownst to Tripp. So full of misinformation, he tried getting revenge on Kayla, which thankfully failed. And when it all unfolded and he was found out the truth, Kayla decided against pressing charges. She saw that he wasn't a bad person so she set out to show him the life he never had with his adoptive family in Nashville. His adoptive mother had died two years before he moved to Salem anyway, & he didn't have a relationship with his adoptive father. So, he had lived with close friends following her death.

We met when he first arrived in Salem during our senior year at Salem High. My mom told me the whole story about him, so, at first, I kind of kept my distance from him. I mean with everything I had been was it any surprise. Since I always had my guard up after Chase, it was easy for me to keep people away so I figured he would be no different. I mean, he was the new guy in school with a reputation, and despite the fact that rumors quickly spread about him. No surprise there with a small town. Instead of it scaring people away, it strangely enough intrigued people. All the guys wanted to be his friend, and all the girls wanted to date him. Hell, even Claire herself wanted him at first. But Heavens know, I wasn't interested at first.

From the beginning, it was him who kept approaching me—pursuing me really. I could never figure out why me over everyone else, though. Maybe I was just more of a challenge. But as luck would have it, we had 6th period lunch together so that's what led to us meeting for the first time.

* * *

**_**Flashback Begins**_**

* * *

_The place was packed because it had rained, but there were still a handle full of empty seats, not the least of which was the one at the popular table that Claire always kept open for me in case she could talk me into joining her that day. But for whatever reason, of all the empty seats in the cafeteria, he chose the one right next to me._

_"Is this seat taken?" he had asked me._

_At first, I didn't even realize he was talking to me because I was focused on getting my homework finished from third period trig. I always did that so I knew if I would need to sit in with a tutor on a free period. Math and I tended to have a love/hate relationship back then. On any given day, I could either totally understand it or be completely baffled by it & there was never any in between. "Huh? What?"_

_He pointed to the chair with a raised eyebrow._

_"Oh!" I responded, grabbing my bag. "No, it's open. Sorry." But feeling inconvenienced & noticing several other empty spots, I couldn't help grumbling, "And it's not the only one."_

_He had smirked at me with that smirk that could make any girl at Salem High stumble for words. He sat down, extended a hand to me and said, "Hi, my name is Tripp Dalton."_

_I nervously eyed his hand, which I'm sure he expected me to take because he smirked again. "Yes, I'm fully aware of who you are," I huffed trying to refocus on my trig which had actually been making sense before his interruption. "Kayla is my dad's sister. I'm Ciara Brady."_

_"Yeah, I've heard a lot about you as well," he replied, finally dropping his hand. "I'm glad we finally met."_

_"Yeah, great. Nice. Wonderful." I remained mostly silent, focused on regaining my train of thought in hopes that I could keep my free period free instead of having to see the tutor again._

_"So Kayla's your aunt," he tried again._

_"That's usually what it means when I say she was my dad's sister," I snapped, frustrated that my focus had been shot & the big blonde beside me clearly had no inclination to shut up and let me get it back. But I had to make one last effort to shut him up. "Look, this has been great, and I appreciate your attempts to socialize the loaner or whatever this little exercise in small talk was about, but some of us are not interested, hence choosing to sit ALONE so we can focus in some semblance of peace. Now, if you're interested in getting to know the extended family, Claire over there always keeps an open seat for me & I'm sure she wouldn't mind you sitting with her. So please either use it or sit quietly & stop being distracting. Thanks."_

_He was silent for a beat, and then replied, "So you find me distracting."_

_I stared at him for a long moment in frustration before, refusing to rise to the bait, I grabbed my things, stuffed them into my bag, and stormed off. I must have turned so red because as I walked away, I noticed he smirked again. And despite myself once I was sure he couldn't see it, I smiled back._

* * *

**_**Flashback Ends**_**

* * *

After that, things were rocky, but we eventually became friends. Friendship grew into a relationship. Every step forward in our relationship was a huge battle for me, but he was tireless and determined. I never thought I'd be worthy of love, or find someone who seem to understand what I'd gone through so it took me a really long time to open up to Tripp, but when I did, his reaction, while not perfect, made our love grow. So 4 years later, here we were in love in long distance relationship.

I look down at the clock, and it read 10:45pm. Claire and I lived in a loft between the university & the financial district, where companies like Titan Industries and DiMera were housed. We had wanted our independence after we had graduated high school, especially since Claire had just been through a pretty nasty breakup. So, we had decided to find a place together. Tripp even had his own space there and he always just stayed with us when he came in town.

Getting to the airport was sort of a drive from our house, and I didn't want to be late. With it being such a late flight, I hadn't wanted to go alone. I hit the horn, but lucky for Claire, it was too late at night for me to really lay down on it like I usually would. A few seconds later, Claire came running out. As she hopped in and buckled up, she looked at me and sighed, "Sorry, Ci."

I put the car in reverse and pulled out of the driveway, shifted into drive and took off. "I'll forgive you for now, but if I'm not at that gate in time, you better have on comfortable shoes because you'll be walking home."

"You'd never."

I look at her with my raised eyebrow and scoffed, "There's a first time for everything, you know."

"Love you," she chirped sweetly as she pulled her mirror down to finish up her makeup.

"Love you, too." I replied dryly back, somehow I could never stay mad or upset with her. And seeing as she thought we had to be there at 11:30, I reminded myself, I have nothing to worry about anyway so I decided to let her off the hook. "Don't worry about it, Claire. Tripp doesn't even get in till 12 anyway." I giggled at the look on her face.

"You rushed me that whole time knowing you had time to spare?!"

"Umm, duh!" I shot back. "We would have been super late if I didn't."

"I guess you have a point," she sighed dramatically as she added another coat of mascara.

"I'm surprised you didn't figure it out sooner!" I snickered.

"The thought did cross my mind," she huffed, trying to keep the humor off her face, "but I just figured it was just you being you and wanting to be there like 10 hours beforehand."

Thinking about what lay at the end of the trip, I sobered. "Thank you for making the trip with me so last minute. You know I hate driving alone at night."

"No problem!" Claire reached for phone cued up her playlist already over it. She knew better than anyone how excited I was to see Tripp again. Me & Tripp would take any opportunity to see each other. Even if it's only for a day and a half, that was good enough for me.

Luckily, my job had a flexible schedule, which made it easier to make sudden changes. Well, less luck, more nepotism since I work for my uncle Roman at the family pub as a server, while taking a full course load at Salem U.

Since my uncle owns the pub, when things came up and I needed to take off, he'd get my shifts covered for me. Or he'd just cover it himself. Tripp surprised me with a call late last night letting me know he had exactly 48 hours between the end of his final tonight, a Tuesday, & Thursday night so he can make it back for his class Friday morning. Unfortunately, he called back this morning to tell me he was coming tonight, instead of tomorrow morning. So of course, I'd drop everything to make it possible. As usual. But as excited and happy as I am, a big part of me is nervous as well.

To say the long distance thing has been hard would be an understatement. He has a huge coarse load this year because he's hoping if he can get a lot of classes, he can take on an internship this summer. He's in major college with a long distance relationship. I mean, I've always been able to trust him, but it can't be a surprise that I struggle with it at times. It's not easy deal with all the little things that come up & plant seeds of doubts.

For instance, we've always made it work, but lately it's been... different. He hasn't called or texted as much & he's been missing our monthly Skype dates. And visits... well, they've turned into 'whenever he can make it out' visits. Don't get me started on all of the last-minute flight cancellations I've had to eat fees for. I'm still a lowly college student so I've definitely felt the burn enough times that I don't even bother to try to visit anymore. It doesn't help me fight my insecurities. So many times I've wondered and worried myself over if he's talking to or seeing someone else, but he's never really given me a concrete reason not to trust him.

But come on. Any girl in my shoes would feel the same. I've thought about moving to Nashville to make it easier, but everyone we know & love is here in Salem. Besides, I don't want to seem like some puppy nipping at his heels, either. I've tried to imagine what it would be like… but with him in classes or his internship and me working and going to school out there... and considering I've become more of a loner since Chase, it would be so lonely for me. I may enjoy my alone time, but I don't do lonely and alone very well. So I'm nervous because I never know when I will see him again after these mini trip ends. Or if I'll still want to when I do.

"Hello!" Claire's raised voice cut into my thoughts abruptly. "Earth to Ciara! Are you in there somewhere?"

"What?" I startled. "Huh? I'm sorry."

"I was just asking you if you were okay." Claire's tone softened slightly. "You're quiet, and looking at you, I know something's wrong."

"Yeah, no, I mean, I'm okay."

Of course, Claire knows me much better than that so she gave me her famous 'look'. The one she always gives me when she knows I'm not telling her the truth. "Ci, seriously," she asked earnestly, "What's wrong? Something is bothering you."

"I don't know," I sighed. "I'm just—I am so so happy to finally see Tripp. I am! But... I don't know. I'm nervous."

"Nervous?" Claire deadpanned incredulously. "What would make you nervous? You guys are like an old married couple. Or are you afraid he dabbled in cosmetic surgery or something crazy?" she chuckled teasingly going back to applying her lipgloss.

"No, Claire. That's not what I'm worried about," I assured her, laughing weakly. "It's… just… nevermind. It's hard to explain." And it is. I tell Claire absolutely everything, but lately, I'd just been so confused sometimes that I wouldn't even know where to start. So, I'd do what I always do: put on my happy face & bottle it all up. I don't like making people feel like they have to worry about me. I prefer being the one to fix things. The one giving advice. Nothing worse than being the one in need of fixing or advice. I know how ridiculous that sounds. I do. But especially after the smothering I got after what Chase did, I couldn't help how I felt.

I got so lost in my head that I didn't even realize I was teary eyed until a tear fell to my cheek. Ugh, I hated this.

"Ciara Alice Brady!" she gasped knowing how rare my tears were these days. "What's wrong? Please. Talk to me." She took my free hand and held it tightly.

"It's just so much," I finally managed. Her grip on my hand tightened. As I continued to drive, it hit me that I would be there in 20 minutes, and my butterflies suddenly felt like elephants. 'He's gonna know I was crying,' I thought even more worriedly. 'He always knows when I've been crying.'

"Claire, I love him so much," I finally said. "I swear I do. He's all I really have besides you and my mom, with Shawn & Chelsea off living their lives overseas. But—but I feel like I'm losing him. And I know this is what I signed up for. I knew when I met him that this could be his life—our life. He was always honest that he wanted to go back to Nashville for college, but for all of his reassurances over our senior year and the past 3 years of college, lately, it's been… I don't know... different." I paused. "I was prepared to miss him. I knew would it be hard & that it would take work. I expected being solo at parties or unescorted for events. The air miles & endless hours on the phone or over Skype. I was prepared for all of that, but... I guess couldn't fully prepare myself for this feeling." I swallowed heavily over the pit in my throat. "So yeah, I'm nervous about how it'll be when I see him or that after the next couple of days come to an end, I don't have a clue how long it'll be until the next time I will see or even really speak to him again. I'm terrified that the whole time he's here, it's all I'm going to be thinking about." I paused again, but continued quickly when I saw Claire's mouth open to respond, knowing if I didn't get it all out I never would. "Did you know that in the past week, we've talked on the phone once. He texts me every few days, if I'm lucky, and we haven't Skyped in 2 weeks. I don't want to sound clingy or selfish or bitchy... but it really feels like I'm los—"

Claire cut me off. "Ciara, one, you're not selfish or bitchy or clingy, for that matter. And two, you are going through so much. How could this is not be hard on you? No matter how strong you are. And Ci, you're the strongest person I know. You have every right to feel this way. God knows I could never because I am selfish, clingy & bitchy."

"You're not!" I argued.

"Oh, I absolutely am. In all of my relationships. Ci, ours is the exception, not the rule. I am an insecure, needy mess & without you in my life, I would be worse," Claire rebutted. "But this is not about me. This time. This relationship with Tripp has been a huge adjustment for you. I mean, it all happened so fast even from the start." I felt the knots in my stomach loosening with every word she spoke. "I'm sorry you're going through all these growing pains, but Ciara, he loves you so much. Please! Tripp is head over heels for you. God knows I would share you with him otherwise. Selfish, remember?" I couldn't help laughing at the truth in her words. "And I know he would never make you feel this way on purpose, but it is the end of his junior year, he has to be so busy prepping for senior year. I know we are. You know that he calls, texts, Skypes and visits every chance he gets. I mean, come on, he could have easily went back to his dorm tonight after his test, and came tomorrow morning, but nope! Not Tripp. He jumped on the first flight he can just to get to you. You're not going to lose him, Ciara."

I wiped my eyes and looked at her. That's my Claire. She always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. "Thank you. You know how much I love you, right?"

"You better!" she shot back with a snort. "I love you, too, Ci!" she gushed back squeezing my hand again. "And you don't ever have to thank me, silly. It's what I am here for. Now, you better dry your eyes and touch up your makeup, or he's gonna know you were crying."

"You guys both know me too well."

"Yeah," Claire agreed. "Probably even better than you know yourself. Although, no one knows you better than me!" We shared a laugh before she grew serious again. "Just talk to him about it; tell him how your feeling. He'll never know unless you tell him."

"You're right." I sighed. "And I'm going to. It'll help to get it off my chest."

The exit came moments later & we were off the expressway & headed toward the airport ramp. Unsurprisingly, it didn't take us that long to get in, and find a spot. Plus, he was coming in through the main terminal so it wouldn't be hard to find him late at night. I put the car in park, took my seat belt off, & pulled down my mirror. One glance confirmed that I badly needed to touch up my makeup, before I got out if I had any hope of him not immediately knowing I had been crying.

"Claire, can you hand me my purse, please?"

"Way ahead of you, Ci." She handed it over before I could finish the question. "You know you're just gonna start crying off again when you see him anyway, right?"

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. "Um, no one asked you to be that honest or that right," I joked, earning another laugh. "But at least this way I can remember the waterproof mascara & hopefully minimize the damage this time. And hey, when he sees me from a distance, I'll look okay, right?" Our light teasing always helped calm my nerves.

"Don't worry. Ciara, everything really will be okay. " Claire leaned over and gave me a hug. "Especially if you ever manage to do a decent wing with your eyeliner. Give me that."

I couldn't help laughing as I handed my new eyeliner over, hit an extra light, and closed my eyes. "Thank you. You're right. Don't you ever get sick of hearing that?"

"Nope, never," she giggled. "Hold still, almost done."

I took a deep breath feeling the nerves returning. "And really, I'm so happy to see him. I'm probably not even going to want to let him go."

"True. All done. Take a look."

"Perfect," I agreed & set about finishing my touch-ups.

As soon as I finished, we headed into to airport. On my schedule, we still had up to 30 minutes to kill. Unfortunately, I couldn't go into the main gate so I had to wait for him by the security check gate. The nervousness gave me the shakes, and as each minute passed, I grew more anxious. Claire & I found a seat close by and held hands while we waited. We didn't say much, but that was alright she knew when I was feeling this way it's best not to bother with conversation so she pulled out her phone and started playing some game or another. I must have been more in my head than realized because before I knew it, it was midnight. There wasn't even a delay so he should get to the gate within 15-20 minutes.

I stood up and walked closer more anxious than ever. "OMG, Claire! He'll be here any second," I squealed nervously. As I took a deep breath looking toward the gate, my phone vibrated with a message from Tripp.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** _I__f you've read or are currently reading this story at Archive Of Our Own-Dot-Org, know that the story is undergoing revisions and the fully edited version of each chapter is posting here at Fanfiction-Dot-Net first._

* * *

**Chapter 3**

[_Just landed. it's only minutes now_] His text read.

[_**From months to weeks to days to hours to just a few more minutes you sure know how to make a girl wait.**_], I replied.

[_Love you_]

[_**Love you more**_]

I put my phone in my pocket, and got as close to the gate as I could, trying desperately to ignore the rising anxiety that felt suspiciously like panic as every second ticked closer to their reunion. As each person passed, I knew it was only gonna be a matter of moments. I looked down at my watch to see it was 12:19am, and when I looked up, I saw the top of his familiar red hat walking down the runway, I grabbed Claire's hand tighter.

"Claire, he's right there," I hissed trying to sound excited & not freaked. I even add, "I just wanna run to him!" In desperate need of a way to release some tension I started waving like a maniac & yelled, "TRIPP!"

As soon as he saw me, he skirted past two people and began to run. My panic took over and I froze with a smile covering my face. Before I knew it, he crashed into me, lifted me into his arms, and held me so tight. Tears that I knew would come made their expected appearance, but not for the reason I expected. He spun me around and kissed me. A kiss that held so many emotions I didn't know how to make sense of them all. So I held on to him as tightly as I could. He put me down and took my face into his hands. I looked up into his bright blue eyes—the eyes that had won me over for so long.

"I've missed you so much," I blurted eagerly, and then blushed.

Tripp kissed me again and said, "I've missed you, too." He wiped away my tears with his thumbs. "Babe, don't cry. It's okay I'm here now."

I just collapsed it into his arms, hiding my face in his chest. It seemed like I just couldn't stop crying as all of the emotions I couldn't name fought their way free. He held onto me, and kissed the top of my head. "Babe, I'm here," he whispered misunderstanding me completely. "I'm right here."

He took my face again, and held it in his hand as he wiped my eyes. "You look so beautiful right now. Please, don't cry."

Claire was standing right next to me and began rubbing my back. She knew this was gonna happen, but even she sounded a little concerned. "Ciara, it's okay," she assured.

Strangely it was the sound & feel of my best friend that seemed to reach me to calm me down, and not my boyfriend. I finally was able to pull myself together, but I still held onto him, and he held onto to me for a few minutes more until I managed to say, "I'm so sorry, babe. I'm just this blubbering mess & in the middle of the airport. This is so humiliating. I didn't expect to be that emotional." I nervously laughed.

"Don't apologize," he assured me, kissing me again. "I've missed you more than you could ever know."

"We better go get your bags," Claire chirped, awkwardly. I could see she was watching me carefully catching something that Tripp seemed to be missing about my reaction.

"No need, I just had my carry on." He pulled on the strap of his backpack. My heart panged a little bit at another reminder of how short his stay was going to be. But it was accompanied by a strange sense of relief.

"Okay, well we better get going then," Claire chimed in again. "Ciara, let me drive home okay?"

"Are you sure?" I asked, not really wanting to give up the distraction of driving home.

"I can drive if you want," Tripp offered.

"No, you guys need all the time getting reacquainted that you can get." She smiled mischievously & winked. I laughed as another knot seemed to loosen as she calmed me with humor, tossed her the keys, and took Tripp's hand in mine.

"Let's go," I agreed.

The three of us walked down through terminal and exited the airport with Claire chattering happily about her schedule with Bella & how she had worked things out with her professors. I was well aware of all this, but Tripp wasn't since he'd been out of contact. By the time we got to the car & Tripp opened the door for me, my panic was gone, and things felt more normal. We both got in the backseat, and Claire started the car. Tripp put his arm around me and took my hand. All the nervousness and anxiety I was feeling just felt as if it melted away. No, that wasn't exactly right, but it was back in its bottle & securely corked. His presence always used to put me at ease. I missed that, and squeezed his hand tighter, determined to get it back.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting just to be able to touch you again," I whispered to him honestly. He kissed the top of my head.

"Tripp, how was your flight?" Claire asked.

"It wasn't bad, and it actually went pretty quick, even though time seemed like it was going in slow motion." He pulled me closer to him. I closed my eyes, leaned into him, and cupped his face in my hand, rubbing his cheek like I used to.

"I'm so glad you're here right now," I assured him—and myself.

"There's nowhere else I want to be," he said, in a very familiar way that sudden made something inside me click into place. 'This is Tripp. Just Tripp. He loves me & I loved him.' And finally, the last bit of tension melted away & I kissed him for real.

"Aww, you guys are too cute," Claire laughed, with no small amount of relief in it.

"When my professor told me yesterday that we had a 2-day break for professor meetings, I knew the only thing I wanted to do was come home. To you." I nuzzled closer. "I know it's late, but I didn't want to wait until tomorrow, when I could wake up to you one more morning. So, thank you Claire for coming with her."

"Well seeing as I didn't really have a say in the matter, anyway, I guess it's okay," she laughed. "You know there was no way I was gonna let my CiCi drive by herself this late."

"I just wish I had more time." He gave my hand another squeeze.

I could finally honestly reply, "Me, too." As nervous as I had been before at this point, it almost seemed selfish of me because I realized how much he really missed me. He really must have just been as busy as he said. But I knew I still had to talk to him about it, sometimes the little reassurances helped.

"I'm thankful for any time I get with you," I said happily accepting another kiss. In that moment, I knew his kisses were something I would never get enough of. "Tripp, are you hungry? I know you probably didn't eat after your test. Just went home to pack & then straight to the airport."

"Yes, actually I'm starving," Tripp admitted.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked, pulling out of his embrace enough to look up at him. "Do you have a taste for anything in particular?"

"You don't have to stop somewhere. Are you girls even hungry?" He asked us. "We can hit a drive-thru."

"I had a salad before we left, but I could eat," I replied.

"I know what we need to do," Claire squealed, her excitement tipping me off.

"Midnight Breakfast!" we echoed. Whenever Tripp came in late like this, we always stopped for breakfast because it was the best option for food at that hour.

"I could go for a waffle with strawberries and whipped cream, for sure!" I said.

"That sounds so good right now," Claire agreed.

"We gotta go to our truck stop diner, though," Tripp added.

"Duh! Of course! I got this," Claire scoffed.

Our place was a small diner that was at the Oasis right off the highway. We found it late one night about a year ago when the usual fast food places didn't sound appetizing to us. It was exactly halfway between town and the airport so it was perfect.

And within only moments, Claire was pulling into the parking lot and just like I had expected we were the only car there. We all got out of the car, but Tripp walked up next to me, grabbed my hand, and pulled me to a stop.

Claire noticed and called back at us, "I'm gonna go get our seats."

I turned back to Tripp and asked, "Tripp? Something wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, babe," he began. "I just want to tell you how sorry I am for being distant this past month. A lot of stuff was going on, and I know it's not an excuse, but I really am so sorry." I could see the glint of tears unshed in the lamplight of the dark lot. As tough as this man tried to play, underneath it all beat the heart of a total softy.

I cupped his cheek feeling even worse for letting my insecurities ruin the best thing in my life. "No! Don't do that, or I will cry again, and everyone will stare."

He laughed because no one was there around to see, except Claire. "Babe, I truly do love you. You're so awesome, the way you deal with all of this and me and still manage to make me laugh."

More sure than ever, I smiled. "I don't deal with you. What you see is me supporting the man I love as he chases his dream, and you do the same for me. I love you. This is who we are together. Nothing can ever take that away from us."

I had so much more that I had wanted to tell him—about the little doubts I've been having & how I've been feeling, but I knew in this moment, it wasn't the time. I didn't want to ruin this amazing moment. I had time to tell him, not a lot, but I could save that part of this conversation for later.

He pulled me closer to him, and I put my arms around his neck. When he kissed me, I kissed him back with everything I had.

"Babe, I do have some other stuff I have to talk to you about. But don't worry. It's school stuff, and we can talk about it tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to enjoy you. Everything else can wait for a bit."

"Okay. Everything is alright, though?"

"Yeah, Ci, it's fine. Mostly about school and that crap."

"Okay," I accepted cautiously. "Well then, we'll talk about it later." I gave him another kiss and took his hand and said, "Let's go get something to eat."

We headed into the restaurant, and I immediately spotted Claire in our favorite corner booth. We walked over to the table and sat down across from her, picking up our menus to look over.

"Gawd, I didn't realize how starving I was. I'm so hungry I could eat one of everything," Tripp growled.

"You usually do," Claire teased with barely restrained laughter.

"We should all be so lucky," I agreed.

The waitress walked over to the table. "Can I start you guys off with a drink?

"I'll have a water with lemon, please." Claire said

"I'll have a Dr pepper," Tripp decided.

"And for you ma'am?" the waitress asked me.

"Actually, a Water with lemon, sounds great for me, too, please."

"Alright! I'll give you folks a few minutes to look over the menu, and I'll be back with your drinks." And she was gone.

"I already know what I want," I said, closing the menu.

"Yep, me, too," Claire confirmed

"Waffle?" I asked with a smirk.

"Of course." She smiled back. "What else is there?"

"Right! Same for me." I winked at my bestie before turning to my boyfriend. "What about you, Tripp?"

"I'm gonna get the big breakfast & a waffle," he answered.

"So our usuals?" I said with a laugh. "We are so boring."

The waitress came back to the table with our drinks just then, and we took turns ordering. The service was very prompt, and the food was amazing as usual.

"Man, I love this place," Tripp sighed as he eyed his steaming plate of food.

With everything else going on, it had almost slipped my mind that Tripp had a big test so as we all started to eat, I decided to ask about it. "I forgot to ask. How did your test go?"

"Hopefully, it went well," he answered around a mouthful of food. "I can't frickin' wait for this semester to be over. This one more than any other has definitely been kicking my butt."

"I second that, this semester has definitely seemed like the longest," I groaned. "I can't wait for summer to be here. But I might take one or two summer courses to get a headstart on my final credits. But I just can't wait for you to be home to spend the summer with me."

Tripp looked down on his plate, and it looked like he got a little bit uncomfortable. The shift in his demeanor was hard to miss. He swallowed heavily. "Yeah," he replied awkwardly. "I hope this summer will be a good one."

"Ugh, just to be in the summer sun again and able to work on my tan," Claire sighed dreamily. "Yeah, summer can't come fast enough."

"That reminds me!" I turned to Tripp and continued, "So the other day when I had lunch with my mom, she told me her and Rafe were planning a vacation to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina over the 4th of July. She extended an invite for you and I to join them. She knows how long I've wanted to go there to see the beach."

"Um…" he grabbed the back of his neck, and seemed very caught off guard. I wasn't sure why he wouldn't be excited about it, but I didn't get the feeling I would be much longer, either.

"I mean if you don't want to go, I can tell her we have other plans or blame it on school." I was bummed, but trying be supportive.

"No, it's not that," he hedged. "I just wasn't sure what my mom and dad would be up to that weekend. Let me check with them, and I'll let you know."

"Okay." I looked down at my plate, knowing he had just lied to me.

"Well, I know it wouldn't be the same as going with Tripp, but we could go and make it a girls trip," Claire suggested, trying to ease the tension.

"Yeah, that would be fun," I agreed, as I continued to move the food around on my plate. With his lie laying in my gut like lead, I suddenly lost my appetite. Something just didn't sit right with Tripp's response... Why wouldn't he want to go? And why would he lie about it?

"How is your mom doing anyway?" Tripp asked to change the subject.

"Yeah, my mom's not the most pleasant person to be around these days," I explained. "She's working on a big case, and under a lot of pressure to get it solved. I haven't seen much of her but she still calls like everyday." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"I think my mom and dad are going to be coming in this summer as well but around August, I can't wait to see them I've missed them so much!"

Claire's mom, Belle, is a Lawyer who works in a top law firm in Hong Kong, so she'd always been very invested in her job, and it put a strain on her relationship with Claire. My brother, Shawn, is a detective, but he actually comes to Salem a lot to visit and check on all of us.

"Really, Claire! That's so awesome. It's been awhile since your mom has been able to come with Shawn. We'll definitely have to do a girls spa day. You, me, my mom, and yours." I said.

"Yes! That sounds so relaxing!"

As present as Tripp was trying to be while we all finished eating, I've known him long enough to know something was bothering him. He was distant and looked worried. It had to be about the lie he'd told or whatever he needed to talk to me about. Maybe both.

"Well. We should definitely start heading back home. It's already 1:30am," Tripp said suddenly.

He took the check from off the table and hurriedly paid so Claire and I were forced to stop trying to reach for it. Smart since he knew it could easily turn into a 30-minute argument about who would pay. We got up from the table as he paid at the counter, and left to wait for him by the car.

When he came out, he said solemnly, "Claire, let me drive the rest of the way, please."

"Well, if you insist," she replied, trying to keep things light as she tossed him the keys. It didn't hurt that she had to have been tired. We both of us started work at 7am for the early shift since I had afternoon classes today and Claire would be quitting soon for the modeling job she won with Bella. Two girls sharing one bathroom meant we were up by 5 am. "I'm exhausted."

She got into the back seat, and I sat down in the passenger's seat. Tripp started the car, and quickly merged back onto the expressway. Claire took her shoes off and leaned up against the window.

"Just wake me up when we're home," she said, already well on her way to sleep.

Tripp took my hand in his and he said, "Babe, if you're tired, too, it's fine if you want to just sleep a little."

I felt bad, but couldn't resist the offer. "We were up so early this morning since we worked the am shift and then had classes."

He kissed the top of my hand. And then said, "I'll wake you when we're home."

I slipped my shoes off and leaned the seat back never letting go of his hand until I dozed off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** _If you've read or are currently reading this story at Archive Of Our Own-Dot-Org, know that the story is undergoing revisions and the fully edited version of each chapter is posting here at Fanfiction-Dot-Net first._

* * *

**Chapter 4**

I woke up to the feel of Tripp taking off my seat belt. I looked up as he softly said, "Babe, we're home. I got Claire in first, and I was just going to carry you in."

"No, it's okay I got it." He had already grabbed my purse and shoes, and helped me get out of the car.

I groggily walked up the driveway to the door. I noticed Claire didn't make it to her room she crashed on the couch, so I got her a blanket from the hall closet and covered her with it. I walked into my bedroom with Tripp following right behind me. I took my sweater off and threw it on the chair. Since we all lived in the loft, Tripp had his own room upstairs, but we mostly stayed in my room. He also had his own spot in my closet that had his clothes and two drawers of my dresser so sometimes when he came in town he only had his backpack, which was mostly just for his electronics. I loved having some of his clothes in my room whenever I was having a bad day or just missed him a lot. I would cuddle in bed with one of his t-shirts on, and it made me feel closer to him.

Tripp was already undressed and getting ready for bed when I went to my dresser to get my pajamas. "Babe, I'm going to go wash my face really quick and change."

As I moved past him, I stopped drop a kiss on his cheek. I headed down the hall to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth before slipping into my pajamas. Then I went back to my bedroom where Tripp was already laying down. I laid down next to Tripp facing him. His eyes were closed and he'd clearly fallen into a light doze. I cupped his face in my hand, rubbing his cheek with my thumb. He opened his eyes and pulled me closer to him. I continued caressing his face with my thumb, he reached up to do the same.

Being with him in these moments had always made me feel so complete that I never wanted them to end. I never wanted to let go. It almost made me feel safe again. I wanted that feeling back. I had pushed my way through the distance on the original car ride to the diner, but the distance had been rebuilt with the lie & his reactions. And that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to get back to the place where I valued every minute we had together and never took them for granted. I wanted us back.

"I'm so happy you're here right now," I said, and it was true, even if it wasn't the same Tripp had always been my friend. Of course, I missed him.

"Babe, so much has been going on that I feel like it's just been one thing after the next," he whispered. "I know it's been so hard, but just know you're always on my mind."

I kissed him gently. "I know there's a lot to talk about and the timing might be off, especially being this late, but Tripp... I know you well enough to know that something is wrong. I can see it in your face, and in the way you acted at the diner tonight. I could tell something is off."

"Babe, I promise tomorrow," he swore. "We'll talk, but for tonight, let's just be together."

He kissed me and leaned over me. I cupped his face in my hands as I kissed him back. It happened so fast. It was like we went from kissing to touching to foreplay to having sex before I could get my bearings. My brain seemed to shut off and I lost myself in him. Tripp an the way he made me feel was all that mattered to me in the moment. It made me realize how much I had missed this part of being with him—the sex.

It had been so long since we had been together that way that I didn't even realize how much I was actually longing for that kind of intimacy. Tripp was the only guy I had been with after my rape. And it took me a long time to even be comfortable enough with him even consider sex a possibility. Longer still to actual want it with a person instead of Dil, my, um, inanimate boyfriend.

But as with every other step of our relationship, Tripp was determined and laser-focused on the us reach the end goal he had in mind for us. With this last stage, though, he was more patient with me than at any other point in our relationship. He never rushed or pressured me to have sex with him for the first. But after we crossed that final frontier he was much more forward about us continuing. Intimacy took some getting used to, but I must have gotten there because I didn't realize how much I had missed it until we shared it again.

As we our breathing slowed, he let out a deep breath.

Feeling the last of his tension leaving him I kissed his chest right over his heart. "Wow! I guess you did miss me, then." I giggled teasingly feeling my own sense relief as I rested cheek him as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I really did," he admitted with a satisfied chuckle. "I can't even lie, babe, I've wanted to make love to you for so long."

I giggled again and let my eyes drift shut in the peaceful moment. "I may have missed you, too, or maybe just… parts of you."

He chuckled, "Ciara, I have to admit even for us that was amazing!"

His words did a lot to silence the insecurities I had been feeling lately—and all the doubts I was having. Thoughts about the possibility of losing him to another girl he went to school with or him giving into the feelings of loneliness I knew all too intimately... feelings of loneliness that could possibly lead to him cheating on me. He & I both knew because of my rape cheating was a virtual impossibility for me, but he did have my traumas helping to keep him in line. I knew a lot of my distrust stemmed from my own insecurities and trauma so I let myself bathe in his approval.

"Gotta admit," I purred, "a girl likes to hear that she's pleasing her man, especially when they haven't been intimate in a few months."

"Ciara, you're all I need. You're all I'll ever need. And, Babe, being with you is amazing... every time." He kissed the top of my head. "Because I love you, Ciara."

My heart turned over in my chest, and despite everything I'd felt early, I found myself feeling that safety & security in his arms I had longed to get back. So I was able to to honestly reply, "I love you, too, Tripp."

I felt his smile against my temple as he held me close for a long moment. When I felt like I might drift, I slipped free of his grasp & rolled over to find my tank top and shorts. I slid back into them on and hurried back under the covers to cuddle in close to him. Even more than half asleep, he instinctively wrapped his arm around me. Nestled close, I got comfortable with my head on his chest and my free arm wrapped around him. Soon, I was falling asleep listening to his heartbeat.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** _If you've read or are currently reading this story at Archive Of Our Own-Dot-Org, know that the story is undergoing revisions and the fully edited version of each chapter is posting here at Fanfiction-Dot-Net first._

* * *

**Chapter** **5**

"No, no, no! Please! Stop! No!"

I was having another nightmare. However, this time in my dream, I was at home—in the loft, and somehow, Chase had found his way into my bedroom. I could feel the warmth of his hand as it wrapped around my mouth... feel his breath on my skin as got close to my ear and said, "Sshhh! Ciara no one is home. No one can hear you." I felt my blood turn to ice in an instant. "It's just you and me," he continued, as her worked to control me. "Don't fight it, Ciara. I know you want it just as much as I do."

The ice that had frozen me with fear melted in an instant & I began to kick my feet and swing my hands desperate to fight him off. But it didn't matter, nothing I did seemed have any effect. No matter how hard I fought him, he was always stronger. In my nightmares, he always felt so large and dark and suffocating. Like a dark cloud that had been hovering over me that suddenly decided to swallow me up. The weight of his body on mine felt like a ton of bricks. I could feel the burn of my throat trying desperately to scream, but the tears stinging my eyes as they fell were the only relief I would find from the prison for his powerful embrace. It was as if I had lost my voice, and nothing could come out. Despite everything, I could never escape him, especially not in my dreams.

It wasn't until he tried to remove my pants that I was finally able to release the scream that had been building in my burning throat. This could not be happening—not again. When the first scream escaped, I couldn't hold back if I wanted to. Every yell came louder than the last: "Chase! No! PLEASE STOP!"

"NO!" I had tried to yell & screamed again and again, desperate to make him stop, but he wouldn't. Just like the real life nightmare my subconscious was forcing me to relive, he never stopped. I was forced to again feel the heat of his breath on my face, to see the evil in his eyes, to fight desperately to make him stop, but to never win. Forever silenced & trapped no matter how loud I scream or hard I fought.

"No!"

I shot straight up in the bed. As I took numbly inventory, I acknowledged the persperation dotting my skin & the way my body was tangled in the sheet. My cheeks were damp & my throat felt raw as if I had been screaming just like in the dream.

"Ciara!" Claire came running into the room on instinct.

It always took me a few minutes to collect myself from a nightmare. To reconnect with reality & break away from any remnants of my subconscious' chosen form of torture. Each & every time… it felt so disturbingly real. Like I was living that day over and over in new locations with new backgrounds, but his every word & move and my incapacitation were forever the same. It was like it was on a loop.

I could never escape him no matter how hard I tried. No amount of therapy had every changed anything except their frequency. Thankfully, the nightmares no longer haunted me every night, but I rarely when to expect them. Something as simple as sleeping, something that was just a basic human necessity had became one of my greatest fears. Chase had done more than steal my virginity when he raped me, he'd taken up valuable real estate in my head & held an uncomfortable stranglehold over my dreams. I can't even remember the last time I had a good dream. Then again, I rarely remembered my dreams. Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for my dreams. As my numbness started to fade, my head fell into my hands, and fresh tears fell.

Claire sat on my side of the bed, and Tripp had already pulled me into his arms. As I held onto him, my other hand scrambled for Claire's.

"Ciara, it's okay," my best friend whispered, squeezing my trembling fingers. "He's not here. I swear he can't hurt you."

"Ciara, look at me," Tripp's voice said said, joining Claire's in an matching soothing tone.

I couldn't comply at first, still so overwhelmed & traumatized that tears just kept falling.

"Babe, please look at me," he pleaded gently. "I've got you. It's okay. He will never hurt you again."

He lifted my chin so I could look at him. I opened my tear-swollen eyes and meeting his gaze. See that protective look in my eyes, sent a wave of safety through me. I pulled him into me and rested my head on his shoulder unable to let go.

"Tripp, I'm sorry that I came running in here," Claire apologized rubbing my back in the small circles she knew would soothe me. "I wasn't even thinking. It's just become a habit, I guess. I'll go to my room, and see you guys in the morning." She paused, with her hand on my shoulder. "You okay, Ci?"

"I'm so sorry, Claire," I managed to mumble as I wiped my eyes on Tripp's shoulder, and tried to lift my head.

"We've been over this," she huffed in faux exasperation squeezing my shoulder one last time. "Do not apologize! See you in the morning. Love you." She paused to drop a kiss on the crown of my head before turning, walking out the door, and shutting it behind her.

"Love you, too." I called back weakly, just before the door clicked shut.

"Why didn't you tell me you were having nightmares again?" I could hear the worry in Tripp's voice and that concern was the exact reason why I hadn't.

"First of all, you know they never really stopped completely," I retorted defensively. "Besides... I didn't want you to worry about me." A dark, bitter part of my mind whispered another reason, '_It's not that you were bothering to answer my calls long enough for me to say anything important. Maybe if you'd bothered to be available._' I shut that thought down as I looked away.

He put his head down as he'd heard the thought I was suppressing. "How often have you been having them?" He asked.

"At least once a month," I answered vaguely & then realized lying was not going to help. "At first. Now, they've been happening at least once, maybe twice a week if I don't take the sedative, Dr. Evans prescribed."

He let out a heavy breath. "When?"

"The past 3 months or so."

"Babe!" he gasped pulling me into his chest. "I'm so sorry. I wish you would have told me."

"Tripp," I sighed. "I knew how worried you'd be and you didn't need that kind of distraction. Marlena thinks it's just stress. And God knows it's been a stressful for both of us preparing for senior year. And I can keep busy during the day, but sometimes, it's hard at night. Being alone, after I got so used to having you with me at night. That's why Claire rushed in. I know it's probably silly, but some nights, she stays with me."

"You always put everyone before yourself," he grumbled, pulled me closer & dropping a kiss on my head. He held me so tight. "This has been so hard on both of us, but you've made so many sacrifices for us. I love you so much. I want you to know, Ciara. He will NEVER hurt you again. I won't let him."

"I love you, too, Tripp."

I lay limply in Tripp's arms despite the slight tension I felt in my gut. I was just so physically & emotionally exhausted that I had 0 energy make sense of everything I felt. Tripp laid me down, and rubbed my forehead with his thumb while I laid curled on my side with my face nuzzled into his chest. Knowing he was right here, with me, did ease my mind some. At least it did until I remembered it was temporary because in 2 days he'd be gone again, and I'd be alone once more. I held him a little bit tighter and tried to push all of my feelings aside, focus on that fact that I was safe with him.

But just as I was drifting off again, my mind seemed to race with unanswered questions: '_Why were my dreams making such an intense comeback lately? Tripp is my safe place & I never had nightmares while he was with me after the early days. So, why had this on come tonight? Maybe it was the fear of him not being here for long and the feeling of the loneliness I'd feel once he was gone. Or not knowing how long it would be between this trip the next time I would see him again._'

"Ciara, just go to sleep & deal with all this tomorrow," I whispered, sotto voce. I snuggled close to my boyfriend, and concentrated on listening to his heartbeat. It didn't take long for me exhaustion to take hold drag me into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:**_ If you've read or are currently reading this story at Archive Of Our Own-Dot-Org, know that the story is undergoing revisions and the fully edited version of each chapter is posting here at Fanfiction-Dot-Net first._

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**Chapter 6**

The next time I opened my eyes, it was to morning sunlight shining brightly through the blinds into the bedroom. I groaned softly realizing I had forgotten to close them the night before hence my early morning wake-up call from the sun. I rolled over and looked at the clock, which read 11:30am. As I rolled back to my boyfriend's side of the bed, it him me that I was alone. Meaning Tripp must already be awake as his side of the bed was not only empty, but cold. I laid back & covered my face, just as I was about to release a frustrated noise, the sound of a voice talking reached me. I frowned as I realized he was hiding in my closet as he talked on the phone. It took me a few moments to focus enough to make out his side of the conversation because he was keeping his voice low, but I managed to still hear what he was saying because he'd left the door ajar.

"No," he sighed. "No, I haven't told her any of this yet. Why would I worry her with something like this when I don't even know what's gonna happen yet?"

A long pause followed as I can only assume he listened for a response. I wanted to move closer to Tripp's side of the bed, but I worried that if I moved around too much he'd realizing I was awake. I almost felt bad for eavesdropping, but I knew he was keeping something from me. Something that was bothering him & the anxiety of ignoring my instincts had likely been manifested in my nightmare. So I let my curiosity win out.

"Well, how can I turn this opportunity down?" he asked. "This is what I've been working towards. It's the reason for the insane hours and everything else. This is huge for me, but... right now, it feels like a black cloud over my relationship with Ciara. I don't know how she's going to feel about this."

He paused. "Because she knows me better than anyone else," he continued. "We can look at each other and know something's off. I have to tell her what's going on before she starts asking more questions that I can't give the right answers to."

I frowned, and turned on my side away from my closet. I had to fight the urge to sit up and demand to know what was he talking about. Was all of this referring to school or something else? I hoped it was just school stuff. I was more worried than ever about what Tripp was keeping from me. But I couldn't help, but feel a small measure of relief over the fact that he was keeping whatever this secret was from me. At least it confirmed my instincts where he was concerned & about why he had seemed so distant were right. But why wouldn't he just talk to me if it was so important? What was he really doing behind my back? I couldn't even bear the thought of him doing something that would be a real betrayal. His voice cut into my thoughts ending my worried mental rambling.

"When I finally get the call about their decision... it's going to be impossible to turn down. I don't know how she'll feel, but I'm hoping she'll understand."

I didn't want him to know I had been listening so I closed my eyes and continued to listen.

"Today? Okay, I'll be waiting for the call then. Bye Dad."

I could hear the lingering frustration in his voice, before he walked out of the closet and came & sat down on the bed. I kept my eyes closed. I could hear him take a few deep breaths before he laid down beside me, and wrapped his arm around me.

So much was going through my head. I had so many questions & so much to tell him, but I didn't want him to know I'd heard his end of his conversation with his dad. So, I had no choice other than to be patient and wait for him to start this conversation.

He began rubbing small circles over my belly as we laid there for what seemed like forever. Finally, I rolled over to face him and groggily opened my eyes pretending I had only just woken. He slid his hands up to cup my face and kissed me.

"Morning."

"Mmm, Tripp?" I muttered. "What time is it? I can't believe I slept so late. I can't remember the last time I woke up after dawn."

"It's okay, babe," he chuckled indulgently. "You needed to sleep. It's 12."

"Gawd, I haven't slept this late since at least high school."

I rolled over onto my back, but Tripp followed me and laid his head on my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around him as I took his hand and began rubbing it with my thumb.

"Ciara, I have to talk to you about something," he admitted after a long silence.

This was it I realized & had to work to maintain my calm. "Okay," I replied as coolly as I could. "We can talk. You know that you can tell me anything."

The knots that I was feeling in my stomach seemed to intensify, and I began kneading the knots I was finding in Tripp's shoulder to distract myself from panicking.

"Well, a few months back, when my dad came down to Nashville to visit, he told me about this internship program they had for the ISA in London. He put my name out there with one of the agents in charge… one who sort of owed my dad a favor, and my dad told me to apply. It didn't guarantee me the internship, but it got me put on top of the list of finalists."

I felt a huge wave of relief rush over me. It had just been about school this whole time. It almost made me feel bad for what I had been fearing. But like Claire had reminded me last night, any girl in my position would have doubts or fears. Long distance relationships were hard, especially when his college was probably full girls throwing themselves at a smart, driven, handsome guys like him. Blonde, blue-eyed, good looking, charming, going places. He was exactly the type of guy any girl would have wanted. Why wouldn't he be tempted by a girl who would be able to share his bed without waking him up with her nightmare? Instead of some broken, damaged girl. Like me. Then the most important part of his statement hit me.

"London?" I said stoically. "Really? Wow. So… how are you feeling about that?" My initial relief now completely replaced by a gut-wrenching knot of tension & dread in my stomach again. Him being in Nashville had been enough of a struggle for us. But him being thousands of miles away. I retreated behind my most impenetrable mask of stoicism—the one that even to this day even Claire had trouble reading behind. The one that Dr. Evans had said I would need if I truly want to follow my intended career path. I could not let how I was feeling show on my face if I wanted any hope of him really opening up to me. I would to show him my neutrality & my support until everything was out & I had a chance to process it.

"Babe," he began nervously. "There's obviously a part of me that is really excited about this. I mean, this would be a huge opportunity for me. The doors it would open for my career. This could really help my future prospects no matter where I land at post-undergrad, but you know my dream job to be in the same ranks as my dad. To follow in his footsteps. I never thought it would happen so fast for me." He paused seeming to remember who he was talking to & his tone lost its excited almost dreamy quality. "But then there's you—and us. I'd be gone from May until Sept, and summer has always been something we looked forward, too. I don't want to put all those miles between us. I know how hard, it's been especially lately. So I'm very torn."

"Tripp," I sigh. "This is an amazing opportunity for you. What kind of girlfriend—or friend for that matter, would I even be if I let our relationship get in the way of your future." I swallowed as subtlely as possible. "That would take a much more selfish person than even I like to think I am. And to be honest, I don't really have as much of a problem with this as the fact that you've kept this from me for so long. A relationship is supposed to go both ways & have open lines of communication." I suddenly couldn't stand to just lay there and slid out from under him.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me this sooner," I huffed, sitting up on the edge of the bed. "I've been feeling like you were pushing me away and being distant, and to be honest, I had stared to think you were cheating on me."

"Ciara—"

"What was I supposed to think?" I cut him off. "You were being distant & evasive. I've had so much that I wanted to talk to you about, but now everything I was feeling & fearing almost seems so ridiculous that I feel stupid for even doubting you. And while part of me feels a little bit of relief, it's more than a little infuriating that you handled it this way. You shouldn't have kept it from me, and you shouldn't turn this offer away because of me. But we're not going to make it if you can't talk to me about things. The way you dealt with this was so unfair to me. But I have always known about your dreams and goals of becoming an ISA agent. I have alway supported them. I more than anyone get why they are so important to you. And it's just as important as me. Your happiness is just as important as mine."

He put his head down. "But Ciara, you make me happy," he replied, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I'm so miserable at times because I'm not with you. I have to keep myself busy so I don't feel so lonely. So I don't think about it so much." I turned my head slightly, not yet ready to face him, but letting him know I was listening & hearing him. "Sometimes, I can't even FaceTime with you because when I see you, it breaks my heart that I'm not with you. I've hated being this far from you. And to move even further away wouldn't be any better for me—it would make all of this worse." My shoulders sank under the weight of his sorrow & I placed my hand over his. "You're already feeling like I'm cheating on you what would being further away do?" I tensed because the physical distance wasn't what had fed my insecurities. But he wrapped his arms around my shoulders & pulled me back into until he held me securely. "It's not selfish to want to be with me or closer to me. My career is very important to me, but you're just as important." He rested his forehead on my shoulder as his arms tightened around me, and a part of me suddenly felt trapped in his embrace instead of safe. "You think I don't know what sacrifice this has been—how much of a sacrifice this internship would be for you. I know you better than anyone, and you put everybody before yourself. You make sure I'm happy before you even consider whether or not you're happy."

He placed a kiss into my tense neck. "But you're right, it has to go both ways. You need to start thinking about your happiness, too. You should have told me how you were feeling along time ago. I'm a big boy you can tell me things and not have to worry if it'll make me worry or be upset. None of this has been easy for either of us, but if I don't go, we'd have the summer to be with each other and reconnect."

"And you would have the rest of our lives to resent me for holding you back," I murmured.

"Ciara—"

"Look, I know how important we are to each other, and I know how hard this has been. And yes, I sometimes second guess if you're missing me, but what did you expect when you were putting distance between us? I was feeling as if I didn't matter anymore. That her I was missing you, wanting to be with you and talk to you, to FaceTime with you, but you were always just too busy. How could I not get the idea that maybe you really just didn't care as much as I did? You know a text is really not the best way to talk—and I mean really talk. How could I tell you what I was feeling? With you being so far away, I can't just stop by to chat when I need to open up or vent and can't get you on the phone or whatever." I tugged on his arms until he finally loosened his grip enough for me to turn and face him. "Girls practically throw themselves at you. I've seen it since you moved here to Salem. What if one lonely night you found someone to fill the void? And maybe I should have tried harder to tell how I was feeling, but I guess I was just afraid of seeming clingy or not strong enough to handle things. I didn't want to seem weak or needy. But to know part of the reason you were distancing yourself from me was because of how much you missed me & how hard it was for you breaks my heart, too." I closed my eyes.

"Ciara, babe, I don't ever want you to think I'm out there cheating on you," he swore cupping my face & staring deeply into my eyes. "I would never do that to you. I'm sorry that's what you've been thinking. There are times when we FaceTime that you will just breakdown. And you know how much I hate seeing you cry when I can't be there to make you feel better. But please," his voice caught, "please, don't you ever for a second think I don't care about you when you are all that matters to me."

And in that moment the guilt over doubt hit me like a sledgehammer. "I love you so much," i blurted in a rush as I leaned in for a quick kiss. "Gawd, I feel so bad for even letting myself think all these things and allowing myself to doubt you for even a second."

He kissed me & I cupped his face. When Tripp pulled me into his arms, i was more than willing. And this time when he squeezed me so tight, it felt like he was as afraid to lose me as I had been to lose him—it felt like he would never let me go.

"I love you," I breathed into his neck. "But you have to take this internship if they accept you. We'll figure something out. It's only for a few months. We can get through it."

"Ciara, are you sure? I can only do this if I have your full support or else it would not feel right for me."

"Tripp, that team is going to be so lucky to have you. You're going to do so great. From the stories my mom has told me the team in London is the top of the top. Cream of the crop. They trained my dad as well. That's where you belong."

"Yeah, I know," he said pulling back as his gaze got that faraway quality again. "I've met some of them personally. My dad introduced us, and they really are amazing. Your uncle Shane runs the London Force, and he also trained my dad."

He put his hand behind my neck and kissed the top of my forehead before releasing me. "So when are you supposed to get the word on your acceptance?"

"I will know the decision by 6pm tonight." He got out bed and grabbed his bag. "I head out after finals in May. I'll get about a week down, where I'll come home and then my dad will fly with me to London on a Saturday and get me settled in. He has an apartment there that he's going to let me stay in. He's kept it for when he's had to travel there. I'll start the internship that following Monday. Then I'll come back to Salem for a week before school starts and then it's back to Nashville."

"That all seems so fast."

"Yes, it is, but it's the ISA."

I nodded. "Well, at least that explains why you got so quiet when I asked you about going to Myrtle Beach with me, my mom, & Rafe. I guess Claire and I will get our girls trip after all."

As bad as I wanted to cry, as much as I wanted to scream 'No, you can't go! What about us? You're just going to ditch me during the only time we have together outside of the odd trip during the school year?! Is this this going to be how the rest of our lives are going to be? You go off and do whatever is more important to you than me or us? No. You need to stay home and spend the summer with me', I didn't. It took everything in me, but I did what he said I do and put him first. I pushed down every urge to say those things & I swallowed every tears that desperately wanted to fall. This wasn't about me. It couldn't be. This was about Tripp and his future. I couldn't stand in the way of that. Not if we had any hope of surviving without the weight of his resentment swallowing us whole. The tense knots in my stomach slowly tightened, but I fought to hide any emotions other support. "Tripp, you really are going to be great," I reassured him supportively keeping my back to him as I went through my dresser for a clean shirt. "This is going to be so exciting for you! I can't wait to see what your future has in store."

"This really is going to be awesome, babe," he enthused grabbing a change of clothes and a towel. "I'm going to be learning from the best."

"And I will be right here waiting for you when you get home." I gave him a quick kiss and then said, "Ugh! Now, we have a whole new waiting game beginning!"

"It's definitely stressful," he admitted ruefully. "I just want to know already."

"Instead of just waiting around here we should go do something to pass the time," I suggested needing a buffer if I had any hope of maintaining my facade & hiding my anxiety from him. "How about we go visit your parents and call Tyler? I'm sure he's dying to see you. I'll invite and then we can all go get dinner."

Tyler Stevens had been Tripp's best friend since they'd met in high school. Tyler was his Claire. Ty was always the life of the party, which guaranteed his popularity, but he never let it get to his head, which only added to his charm.

"Well, my Dad and Kayla are actually in New York," Tripp admitted plugging his phone into a charger. "My dad just called me, and we were talking about everything. They're in New York for the week because they decided to use some vacation time and escape for a bit. I'll definitely call Tyler, though. I miss his ass. It'll be nice to hang out with him for awhile."

"Speaking of your dad, he's gotta just be so happy and proud. You're lucky to have him."

"I definitely don't take him for granted, that's for sure."

I had to swallow the lump of misery and pain that welled suddenly in my throat. "Well then, why don't we do this? You call Tyler & meet up with him. And I'll see what Claire has going on. Then we could meet back here around 5. And I'll just make reservations for you and I to have dinner after."

"You wouldn't mind, babe?" He asked with a frown. "I mean, it would be nice to see him for a little guy time, but—"

"I don't mind at all!" I chuckled shaking my head. "It was my idea, silly."

"Ok," he agreed, a smile spreading across his face. "I'll call him now & then hit the shower."

"And I'll go talk to Claire." He gave me a kiss as he passed me to pick his phone up off the bed. Tyler picked up after a few rings because as I reached I could heard the ever upbeat Tyler on the other end saying, "Dalton! What is up, bro?!"

"Not much, man. Just wanted to see if you wanted to meet up for some lunch or maybe to shoot some hoops."


End file.
